When Mommy Pros asked me to share some thoughts on sibling rivalry, I thought, “Oh yeah, tell me about it!” Thor vs Odin, Mufasa vs Scar, Cain vs Abel and my two kids, it strikes to the very core of our home.
My kids fight on just about anything. It started with the petty little stuff like who controls the remote, who gets to stay on mommy’s lap and it has escalated to still petty but no longer tolerable “it’s not fair how come he doesn’t have school and I do” to why the level of juice in his glass is more than mine. Well, sorry, let me get the measuring cup!
Sibling rivalry is a battle between little monsters we truly, truly love. And like all battles, the one with a plan wins it. Here are some ways the arbitrators (that’s us parents) can win it for everyone’s sanity and for peace and happiness in the world.
1. Avoid comparisons. Often times the deepest root of sibling rivalry comes from the child’s perception of a parent playing favorites and nothing shows that more than when you compare the kids. It’s hard, I know especially when you have a very easy kid juxtaposed to a very, very stubborn one. Take deep breaths. Bite your lip till it bleeds. But never, ever succumb to “why can’t you be like …”
2. Spend alone time with each kid. My kids usually battle for my attention and I notice that when I spend more alone time with each kid the fighting lessens a bit.
3. Do not join the battle. Sometimes while arbitrating I suddenly find myself already part of the battle taking one side and defending the other. Wait, wait, how in the world did I get sucked into this?!? For starters, avoid asking the question “who started it?” does it really matter? As much as possible, let the kids settle it on their own. If they can’t …
4. Ask EACH child to state the SPECIFIC problem. Avoid generalizations like “he’s unfair!” Let them get into the specifics, ”He has been playing the Ipad for 3 hours already.” “The game will be done in 5 minutes and she grabbed the Ipad.” Now, the picture is clearer and both has a point and can actually be resolved by them.
5. Lay down the ground rules. Respect. No name calling, no hurtful words, no screaming and no physical aggression.
6. Talk about it. The kids are smarter than we think. In those few, peaceful, blissful moments we can individually talk to our kids and enlist their help to make the family happier and more peaceful. And maybe by some miracle, they might just see the light and say “ok, mom, let’s give peace a chance.”
Green Cross Mommy Pros talked about handling Sibling Rivalry among young kids in their article “When Baby #1 becomes an Ate or Kuya.” Maybe if I read the article earlier on, I would have avoided this sibling fiasco I am embroiled in now and set the stage for sibling harmony:-) Please check out Green Cross Mommy Pros FB site. I’m sure you would enjoy the reads as much as I do:-)
With you in this Happy Chaos called Parenting!
Disclosure: Thanks to Green Cross for sponsoring this post.
My daughter and I watched Wicked last week and we were simply delighted. It was her first Broadway play and she thoroughly enjoyed it!
The plot was relatable and easy to follow for young kids. It is the story of the two witches of Oz, Elphaba, the Green Wicked Witch who formed friendship with the popular Glinda, the Good Witch of the South. It is sort of a prequel (it’s technically not a prequel to Wizard of Oz, read here why) to the Wizard of Oz as it threw in the beginnings of the Scarecrow, Tin Man, Cowardly Lion and of course the Wizard of Oz.
The show is appealing for its humor and interesting characters. My daughter can’t help but adore Elphaba for remaining good despite being misunderstood because she is different. She said Elphaba is just like Elsa of Frozen. Both faced with the troubles of being born different and more importantly both their names start with E and end with A!:-) As for me, I was bewitched by the shallow and self-absorbed Glinda. She’s simply adorable!
The catchy songs “Popular” and “Defying Gravity” were songs the audience were all too familiar with. The stage production was pretty impressive (argghh I have to stop comparing everything to Phantom!).
My favorite part was when they sang “For Good.” It is a very touching song – “Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.” To everybody who are close to me – family, close friends and especially to my husband and kids. “Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.”
Wicked is on its last few days here in Manila and it has been good.
Bewitched by Wicked,
*Wicked is based on a novel written by Gregory Maguire inspired by the original Wizard of Oz. Wizard of Oz is written by Frank Baum over a hundred years ago. Baum wrote a total of 14 books on the Wizard of Oz, one of which is about how the Wizard arrived in the land of Oz. Wicked is an interpretation of Gregory Maguire of what the witches may have been like.