Is there a tactful way to ask a woman if she is pregnant?

I'm not pregnant, just fat.

I went to Enchanted Kingdom last Sunday with my kids and their friends.

Entrance attendant: Hope I don't offend you mam,  but are you pregnant?

Me:  No, I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat.  But yes,  I am offended.  Asaan supervisor mo?

Hehe of course,  I didn't ask for the supervisor but I wonder - Is there anyway for this question to be asked without insulting the receiver.  In Western countries,  you can get mugged for this:-)

But I'm not in the west so I have to put up with it, with my saccharine smile - Hindi!  Somehow,  all the fat in my body found its way into my abs making me eternally look 3 months pregnant.  And no matter, how often I am asked it still stabs me in my gut.

Maybe they could just say, "Mam, how many months na baby, mo?"  but people who have given birth 5 years ago would be offended.  Or they could say,  "Kindly inform us Mam if you have a companion who is pregnant." but if you are with your 9 year old daughter that would be weird!

I checked in forums and most people, well, in the west again, say that there isn't a tactful way to this situation.

Filipinos may be a little more forgiving and can take the comment casually, even laugh at it,  but somehow it still hurts and embarrasses the receiver.  According to Avelectrician of Yahoo Answers,  here are some reasons,  why you should not ask someone if she is pregnant:

  • You could be wrong, and you're basically just calling her fat.
  • You could be right and she doesn't want to tell anyone.
  • She may have been pregnant and already had the baby. Again, you're just calling her fat.
  • She may have been pregnant and lost the baby. Now you're calling her fat and bringing up a traumatic issue.
  • She may just want one day where she doesn't have to discuss pregnancy and birth. If you're the 9th person to ask that question that day, I'll bet she's sick of answering it.
  • If you're a family member or friend who wants her to have children, you're putting undue pressure on if you're wrong.

So for starters,  if you are not a park attendant, a massage attendant or a doctor,  you don't ask someone if she is pregnant.   Unfortunately,  a lot of people who doesn't fall into that professional category still ask that.  A well meaning but tactless friend, "Uy, pregnant ka ulit?"  A random person, who I killed already, "How many months ka na?"  Again, only people who has obvious reasons,  like for health or legal, can ask that.

And then for those professional people,  maybe you could soften the kill by beating around the bush a little.  For doctors,  I think no need to mask the clinical question.  For massage spas,  in the registration, maybe you could have a question where all women could tick if they are pregnant or not.  For theme park attendants, nail attendants,  I don't know how you get around with it.  Maybe say,  "Reminder lang po Mam,  persons with heart and back ailment or pregnant cannot take this ride."  Did that make the blow softer?  Or did you just call her an unhealthy fat person?  Do you have suggestions?  Appreciate your comments.  Thanks!

Comments

  1. I was always caught up with that same situation where people asks me if i am pregnant. Nakakasawa na sumagot ng… Kasi may hormonal imbalance ako… Kaya i just ignore them na lang and answer…” Ganun talaga… Masarap kumain e!”… I just hope next time they wont ask me na paa i wont be forced to explain how PCOS affects a woman body. Haist!

    • Hi Angelar! It’s good to know I’m not the only one being asked. Gaya mo, ako rin nasanay na. Natatawa na lang ako and always make a joke out of it para hindi ma-embarass yung nagtatanong. But it still does make me conscious every time. Hehe sometimes nga I take it as a compliment when a massage attendant doesn’t ask me if I’m pregnant – baka konti kinain ko that time:-) I don’t have hormonal imbalance but I guess my middle section is just really big. I read up on PCOS when I read your comment and according to Wikipedia it affects 5-10% of women in the reproductive health age. It must be harder for you because there is a medical condition attached to it. Praying that your PCOS will be ok.

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