Reality of Romance in Marriage

Deadline here.  Tutoring kids there.  Work stress now.  Dealing with kids later.  The whole day does get crowded with a loooong list of things to do, who has time for romance?

I don't.  My husband doesn't.  And I think 95% of people who are married couldn't agree with me more.

As much as I would like to squeeze in a date night every week, as what magazine articles have been harping about,  we just couldn't find the time.  My husband does a lot of heavy, deep thinking, high stress work and he wants to chill the moment he gets out of it.  For my husbandry,  chill is  catching up on the zzzz's and spending alone time with his koi fish.  As for me,  I do a lot of high pressure, taking care of the kids and the household duties plus HR work for our business and writing on the side.  My chill time is going to the gym, reading a good book or hanging out with friends.  Where does WE figure out there?

The sad answer is nowhere.

Moreover, the conversations with our partners that were previously light and fun became discussions.  How do we deal with this child?  Do we give the maid another increase?  Should we transfer our investment to a less risky one?  Hebigats di ba?  (Heavy right?)  No wonder, each of us has chosen to find relax and happy time anywhere but with our partners.

And I'm not blaming it on anyone here.  Not on my husband, and not on me. This is the story of marriage, life gets in the way!

But while life does get in the way,  we have to put that effort to bring that romance back.   I don't want to be 60, kids have their own lives, finances hopefully secure, and stare at my husband and find not a single thing in common with him.  That would be a tragedy.

Fortunately,  tragedy when you see it coming can be averted.

Green Cross' Mommy Pros shared a practical list of ways to Keeping the Love Alive which you may want to check out.

Topping my list, no make that I will zero in on this is - "Next time, No More Next Time" on date time (the magazines are right after all).   I seldom cancel on appointments.  Our next "we" time will be an appointment.  Important. Non-negotiable.  We will take it slow.  Not a fancy dinner for two, we have to reconnect again first.  A movie.  A group date with friends.  A couples massage or facial.  A night run.  A concert.

It is hard to do.  Yes.  Where would you squeeze that time in?  But we have to start somewhere.  Build it up until the point that those dinner conversations inside or outside of the home can have sneak peeks of the light and the romantic.

Truth be told,  romance doesn't come easy in marriage.  It takes mindful effort.  But not impossible.

How about you?  Please tell me, I'm not the only one who is struggling with romance here.  Hope you can share me your thoughts.

Happy Valentine's everyone!

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Photo Credit: By flickr user ReubenInStt (flickr) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons