FollowMy daughter has been very difficult lately. And difficult is an understatement. She whines excessively and will not take no for an answer. Her wails can reach the depths of the earth and my patience. And she even blurted out the dreaded word -- I hate you mommy!
Now that's it! I won't take that kind of disrespect in my home. So I dragged her out of the gate and left her outside for a few minutes and she screamed even louder. She was out of control and I was out of control and it was a total mess.
This situation dragged on deeper and deeper for maybe 3 weeks with lots of hurtful words coming out from my mouth and hers. It was a stressful time for both of us. She resents me and I am beginning to become distant. I was even beginning to play favorites. And so I pulled out my magic diary and poured out all my thoughts and there lies a tiny ray of light.
It's back to school from a Christmas break and she is adjusting, I didn't consider that. I have been expecting her to act like her 8 year old brother but they are 2 1/2 years apart and their personalities are light years away. I realized I didn't give her enough attention, and she was getting it now, only negatively. I made a mistake and I need to pay her back, big time. It will take time. She is a very smart girl and she remembers and occasionally reminds me of the hurtful words I have said in the past. In my painful thought process I listed down who my daughter is. What she likes and dislikes - though I know most of it already - writing it down made me realize I'm not showing her the love and respect she needs. Imagine failing in something as basic as giving her my full attention when she speaks to me. She doesn't like a nod, "uh-huh" or "yeah" she wants to hear what I think - full phrases and sentences. Now that I come to think of it, all that she wants from me are the basics - attention, respect and lots of L-O-V-E!
for me,try to calm my self first.it helps the hug and kisses.and when she started to calm,i start talking and asking her whats the problem.follow the nice and gentle conversation.sometimes our kids also feel stress.maybe in school activities,friends or home.i’ve notice to my kids they need also the massage theraphy and it helps as our bounding routine.our gentle touch and most of all our love of attention..I pray that it will help and GOD IS WITH YOU….
thanks for the tips isah! i will try my very best hehe i can do that when i’m not busy but when i’m in a hurry hell breaks loose haha:-) but yeah you are right nothing comes out of it. My daughter is very stubborn. The more you rub her the wrong way nothing will get accomplished so gentle nudges is the way to go …
try to research on the 5 love languages ( and theres a book esp for children) it will help us parents identify what their love languages are. we all have love tanks to fill and each person has a differnent love language. and if you use the wrong one on a child, they will not feel the love that we are trying to express.. and hence we get frustrated and our child unloved.. anyway do try this link http://janetboyer.com/5_Love_Languages_Of_Children.html but there other links to understand this more.. i totally understand what you mean as i have a son and a daughter (4 years younger). but its my son who felt that way.. good luck!
hi cath!
thanks! i clicked on the link and will try to get hold of the 5 love languages book. Yeah you are right, sometimes I really do feel I am on a different plane with my daughter. I try my best but I always fall short. Is the book available in national bookstore?
hi cath!
Thanks! I really totally agree! Sometimes I do feel I am speaking a foreign language with my daughter. I try my best but still fall short – in temper and in love. I clicked on the link already and sounds interesting. Can I get this from National Bookstore?